Quotes from White Collar Episode "Threads"

Season 1, Episode 2 Air Date: October 30, 2009

Caffrey: Stand there and look menacing.
Burke: What?
Caffrey: Stand there and look menacing.
Peter puts his hands on his hips and looks at Caffrey disapprovingly.
Caffrey: No, Peter. Menacing. You look like your kid just struck out.

Burke: Are you gonna share?
Caffrey: You're gonna think I'm crazy.
Burke: It's never stopped you before.
Caffrey: We throw a party.
Burke: Is it your birthday?
Caffrey: No.
Burke: Then you're crazy.

Burke: Don't dance in the office.

Hughes: A party?
Burke: The witness is confident she can identify [Ghovat] by his voice.
Hughes: How do you know he'll show up?
Caffrey: We fill it with beautiful women.
Hughes: I was addressing my case agent.
Burke: Looking at his M.O. he has a thing for models.
Hughes: Yeah? Well, me too. Hey Jones, you like models?!
Jones: Love 'em!
Hughes: Jones likes 'em too. Is there a plan in here somewhere? Call me when one shows up.

At an FBI warehouse seizure storage locker
Caffrey: There's nothing wrong with enjoying the good things in life, Peter.
Burke: Hmm, then why do they always seem to end up in here?

Burke: It's a loft, seized in a DEA bust. Fifteen hundred square feet, service elevator. It's perfect!
Caffrey: Is that chalk outline?
Burke: I'm sure they've cleaned that up by now. It has everything you need.
Caffrey: Yeah, if five drunk frat buddies show up.
Caffrey: Sixty-four and counting—
Burke: Why is it that when Neal Caffrey throws a party 64 models show up?
Caffrey: No wait 65— What? They were twins!

Elizabeth: (to Peter) Honey, I am really impressed with this place. I mean, I can have a state dinner up here. How did you pull that off?
Caffrey: He has a source. But good luck trying to pry it out of him.
Elizabeth: Hmm, sounds like fun. I'll work on him later.
Caffrey: (to Peter) She'll work on you later.

Caffrey: I thought you were a model—
Cruz: And I thought you were one of the smart ones.

Caffrey looks at scantily-clad FBI agent Cruz.
Caffrey: So where do you keep your gun?

Caffrey: Nice report!
Cruz: Thanks.
Caffrey: You know, you pull off the whole FBI thing, too.
Cruz: Yeah, no one looks good in FBI slacks.
Caffrey: Oh, don't sell yourself short.
Cruz: Better.
Caffrey: You sure I wasn't a little too direct and--
Cruz: Yeah, but I like where you were going with it.

Caffrey: See, [Ghovat]'s counting on the FBI to have a plan.
Burke: So I do nothing?
Caffrey: Roll with him.
Burke: Like you would.
Caffrey: If he expects you to have a plan, don't have one.
Burke: Now, that's the worst idea ever.
Caffrey: Prepare all you can. Just know it's all gonna change.
Burke: What would you do?
Caffrey: I'd go home and have dinner with my wife.

Elizabeth: You meet this guy in Central Park and you give him the dress and he gives you the girl?
Caffrey: That's about the size of it.
Elizabeth: (Sarcastically) I'm really glad you got into the White Collar Crime Division where nothing exciting happens.
Caffrey: It's pretty dull stuff.
Elizabeth: Yeah.

Caffrey raises his hand in FBI briefing.
Hughes: Caffrey, put your hand down.
Caffrey keeps his hand raised.
Hughes: Put it down!

Caffrey: Referring to the murder of Dmitri Sex games gone wrong?

"Threads" Episode Guide "Threads" Recap "Threads" Nitpicks Back to Episode Guide