Quotes from White Collar Episode "Scott Free"

Season 3, Episode 6 Air Date: July 12, 2011

Caffrey: You know, one of the perks of living in New York City is the casual exhibitionism.
Sara: Oh, are the neighbors complaining?
Caffrey: Not yet, but the sale of binoculars has gone up since you started coming over.
Sara: Yeah? Perhaps after we eat, we can raise a few window shades.
Caffrey: All right.
Sara: Mozzie?
Caffrey: Oh, lately he's been knocking in iambic pentameter.
Sara: Or not at all.
Burke: Neal!

Burke: Breakfast for two — Assuming that second plate isn't for me.
Caffrey: Brilliant. You want to impress me with any more of your detective skills?
Burke: All right.
Caffrey: Why did I ask?
Burke: Ooh. Two fresh head imprints on the pillows. Champagne ice bucket at the foot of the bed. Romance is in the air. (Peter hums)
Caffrey: That's — Yeah.
Burke: Ooh. And this detective has decided to stop detecting. Let's see. (Peter holds up a pair of handcuffs) Department issue?
Sara: Um, I'm s— those are mine.
Burke: I'm so... Uh…
Sara: Neal's teaching me how to pick them. It's our version of Sudoku in the afternoon.
Caffrey: Yeah.
Burke: Uh-huh. Morning, Sara.
Sara: Good morning. And before you ask, I do not have a drawer here or a toothbrush.
Burke: Did I ask?
Sara: We're in that awkward, undefined stage where, yes, we've been on a few dates, but, really, what's that mean?
Burke: What does it all mean?
Sara: It means we're taking things one day at a time.
Caffrey: That's what I said.
Burke: More or less. Mostly more.

Burke: This guy's a skilled forger, safe cracker, lots of panache, and he's only 20 years old. Think we might be looking at the next Neal Caffrey.
Caffrey: Mm-hmm. He's a hacker. I don't hack.
Burke: You're right. A Neal Caffrey for the new millennia, then.
Caffrey: When I was 20, I didn't get caught.

Diana: Please tell me I get to break down the door.
Burke: Why, when you ask so nicely... FBI! Hands in the — Oh-ho! Cute.
Diana: You want me to cuff it?
Burke: Yeah, we should hold it for questioning.
Caffrey: Why are you smiling?
Burke: He's clever. It casts a shadow on the door and doesn't move in a fixed pattern. He realized we were sitting on him and bolted.

Caffrey: You're enjoying this.
Burke: I love tracking the smart ones. Now that you're on my side, I miss the challenge.

Mozzie: I've come to steal your soul. Or at least part of it. You know, I've always found that superstition annoyingly inconsistent.
Caffrey: Yeah, I got to get to the office.
Mozzie: This will only take a moment. Now, while I am disappointed we haven't been able to recover Peter's partial list of our treasures, there is a silver lining. Gives us time to perfectly prepare for our escape.
Caffrey: Mm. Starting with passports?
Mozzie: How long do our aliases usually last?
Caffrey: Peter caught on to "Nick Halden" in two months. "Steve" survived for a year.
Mozzie: Say "Gouda."
Caffrey: No.
Mozzie: Imagine not having to look over our shoulders, not having to memorize a new date of birth every few months.
Caffrey: I know where you're going with this, Moz. A permanent identity that the FBI can never crack requires the birth certificate for a dead infant. I'm not doing it.
Mozzie: Say "brie de meaux." What if there was a way to do it that wasn't so... Horrifying?
Caffrey: How's it work?
Mozzie: You'll be stepping into someone else's shoes, even though they or their shoes never existed.
Caffrey: Riddles, Moz?
Mozzie: Neal, trust me.
Caffrey: If there is a way... I'm in.
Mozzie: Excellent. I'll set it up.

Diana: Hey, how come you never used disguises?
Caffrey: The right smile works just as well, and you don't have to worry that your mustache is on straight.

Burke: He steals items of incredible excess from the wealthy — Half-a-million-dollar sunglasses, a solid-gold toilet-brush holder — You get the idea. And every crime he commits, he leaves this signature behind.
Jones: Does he actually leave a donation?
Diana: In the victims' names, to a different charity each time.
Caffrey: So, Robin Hoodie here robs from the rich and gives some to the poor.
Burke: Robin Hoodie?
Jones: I like it.
Caffrey: No, you don't. Don't call him that, please.
Diana: Well, you called him that.
Caffrey: It was a bad joke.
Burke: What can you tell us about him?
Caffrey: He's a kid. I mean, he likes shiny things, and he steals them. He never had much money, but he was around people who did, and he resents them. He's got morals. These donation cards are a way to justify his thefts. He's telling them how they should spend their money. And he's cocky. Almost getting caught won't stop him.
Burke: Will he get bolder?
Caffrey: That's what I did.

Elizabeth: I, uh, saw you got a high score on "Angry Birds" today.
Burke: She knows you're here.
Caffrey: Oh, I'm not judging. Somebody has to stand up to those green pigs.

Burke: You recently bought a high-end motorcycle?
Chad Stewart: No.
Burke: You didn't?
Chad Stewart: I bought a confederate fighter, okay? Calling it a motorcycle is like calling the Queen of England a rich old lady with a funny accent.
Burke: But it's still a motorcycle.
Chad Stewart: Dude, this is so much more. Have you ever had 100 grand between your legs?
Caffrey: Actually, yes, I have.
Burke: Don't. Don't. We'd like to set up a command post here to catch the thief.
Chad Stewart: Not gonna happen. My Confederate party's in four hours for this confederate.
Caffrey: You really like saying "Confederate," don't you?
Chad Stewart: Confederate.

Chad Stewart: My security rocks. No one's stealing anything from here.
Caffrey: You want to make a bet on that?
Chad Stewart: Hell, yeah.
Caffrey: I bet you I can steal something worth ten grand in the next two minutes. If I do, you let us come to the party.
Chad Stewart: Sure. Why not? (Neal and Chad shake hands, then Neal just stands there.)
Chad Stewart: Is this a joke? You're running out of time. You only have... (Chad looks at his now missing watch.)
Caffrey: A minute left. I know. (Neal holds up Chad's watch.) How much would you say this is worth? Ten grand?
Burke: Oh, at least.
Chad Stewart: I get it. (Chad holds up out his hand for the watch.)
Caffrey: You didn't say I have to give it back.
Burke: Give it back.
Caffrey: Fine.

Chad Stewart: I got the FBI at my beck and call? Everybody's gonna love this.
Burke: No, the whole point of a covert sting is to not tell people. No one can know we're here.
Chad Stewart: In that suit?
Burke: Right. I'll be in the surveillance van for this one.
Caffrey: Can I come with you?
Burke: No.
Caffrey: Please?
Burke: No.

Jones: Undercovers are in position. Agent Davies is at the south entrance. Agent Westley is...
Caffrey: Getting Chad a beer.
Jones: What are you doing?
Agent Westley: Chad told me to get him a drink. I'm undercover as his buddy.
Caffrey: Did he also tell you to double fist it?
Agent Westley: No. He said that you need to loosen up? (Agent Westley holds out the beer to Neal and Jones.)
Jones: Come on.
Girl: Hi, there. Chad says you're an FBI agent.
(Neal and Jones laugh.)
Caffrey: He's scared of guns.
Jones: Okay, it's time to put the fear of God in him.
Caffrey: Yeah.
Jones: Hey, Chad.

Caffrey: I'm not sure how long our cover's gonna last, Peter.
Burke: You need to make positive I.D. on our young thief as soon as possible. Stay alert. Who knows what disguise he'll be wearing this time?
Caffrey: I'll look for the crooked mustache.

Diana: Hey, if you're hunting Robin Hoodie, does that make you the Sheriff of Nottingham?
Burke: Oh, I'm not the Sheriff of Nottingham. Am I?

Girl: Chad says you're into body shots.
Caffrey: I am.
Burke: Stay on target, Caffrey.
Caffrey: But not tonight. Designated driver. Sorry.

Caffrey: He's wearing a suit hoodie.
Burke: I don't even know what that is.

Caffrey: It's him.
Burke: You're sure?
Caffrey: Beautiful girl just gave him her name, and he didn't give one back. There's something suspicious about her.
Burke: The fact that she seemed more interested in him than you?
Caffrey: Not that. Not entirely that.

Burke: What do you think of him?
Caffrey: He's a kid having the time of his life. He's impulsive, arrogant, and has no idea how deeply in over his head he is. Okay, fine. He bears a cursory resemblance to me.
Burke: Think can we bring him back from the dark side?
Caffrey: It's hard to do.
Burke: I wonder what would've happened if I'd have caught you earlier.
Caffrey: It wouldn't have made a difference, Peter. The con is a rush. It's an addiction. And you need to hit rock bottom before you can change.
Burke: When did you hit bottom?
Caffrey: I never said I did.

Neal: Nice bustier. For you or Christie?

Mozzie: He's a kid. Word is he talks the talk, so to speak the speak.
Caffrey: Did you enjoy that sentence?
Mozzie: Yes, I did.

Alec: Now you. You are now Bob. I never liked you.
Caffrey: I like you, Bob.

Scott: So, that really was Neal Caffrey at the party?
Mozzie: In the infamous flesh.
Scott: I knew I recognized him. So, you work for him?
Mozzie: Work with him. Kind of like a mentor. He learned everything from me.
Scott: So, then, how come I've never heard of you?
Mozzie: Exactly. (Mozzie's cellphone rings.) Ah, the man himself.
Caffrey: You're being followed. Look to the southwest. Your other southwest, Moz.
Mozzie: You know, in my defense, I always carry a compass.
Caffrey: It's Carlisle. You need to stall him.
Mozzie: You ever pull a Scrooge McDuck?

Caffrey: Never say you're sorry unless you're running a con.

Caffrey: What do you think?
Mozzie: Why are you asking her?
Sara: I think you should help him.
Mozzie: Brilliant woman.
Sara: I think you should help him get out of trouble and then convince him to turn himself in.
Mozzie: Okay, that's absurd.
Sara: Give him a chance to live a life, make his mark on the world. This is your chance to show him there's another way.
Caffrey: Well, I'm not exactly a role model.
Sara: You're probably the closest thing he has.

Mozzie: I sense good in him.
Caffrey: Do you, Qui-Gon Jinn?
Mozzie: Well, chaotic good, anyway.

Burke: I like the two of you together. She's a good influence on you.
Caffrey: You think so?
Burke: Yeah. Don't be a bad influence on her. I'll do my best.

Scott: Do I have to be the baby?
Mozzie: Mm-hmm. Standard rule — the new man on the team is the baby.

Mozzie: Oh, be warned — like an Olsen twin, though she seems demure, she packs quite a punch.

Sara: Really? A Barbie?
Mozzie: Standard rule.
Sara: There are no standard rules. I would much prefer to be the salt shaker.
Mozzie: Uh, considering your role in this, the Barbie is more apropos.

Sara: Excuse me. I'm here for Mr. Carlisle.
Guard: I'm afraid he's not in.
Sara: Oh, I don't think you understand. I'm here for Mr. Carlisle.
Guard: I'll have to (Clears throat) call his office.
Sara: Mm. Do that.

Scott: Carlisle's office.
Guard: Is Mr. Carlisle in? There's a woman here who—
Scott: About time! He's been waiting for her. Send her up immediately. How's she look?
Guard: Expensive.

Sara: Eyes front and center, Romeo.
Scott: Yes, ma'am.
Sara: Don't call me "ma'am."

Burke: Starting with Robin Hoodie. Is he in there?
Caffrey: I think it's better if I don't answer that.
Burke: Better for you or for me?
Caffrey: For Scott. Look, I've got a plan, okay? And part of that plan is contingent on you not knowing what it is.
Burke: I'm not the Sheriff of Nottingham.
Caffrey: Did I miss a conversation?
Burke: I'm not the bad guy. But Scott can't be allowed to run around like this. He's gonna get somebody hurt, starting with himself. I need to bring him in.

Burke: You're under arrest, Mr. Carlisle.
Thomas Carlisle: Those — those aren't mine.
Burke: Oh, you're alleging that a thief broke into your office to crack an uncrackable safe to give you millions of dollars in diamonds?

Caffrey: So, what are you gonna do now?
Scott: Oh, come on. You didn't really think I was gonna turn myself in, did you?
Caffrey: I was hoping you would.
Scott: Would you have when you were my age?
Caffrey: No, I wouldn't have. But this isn't about me. It's about Peter Burke. He's the smartest man I've ever known. He caught me, and he will catch you. Only question is when.
Scott: Nobody's that good.
Caffrey: He is, Scott. If you turn yourself in now, he'll make you a deal. It's the best deal you're ever gonna get. You know what? Keep running. Always looking over your shoulder, never slowing down long enough to share your life with anyone. Because you know that the second you do, that is when he will catch you. Let me help you, Scott.

Burke: Any sign of Scott?
Caffrey: Nothing. He's gone completely to ground. I screwed up.
Burke: Yes, you did. But...you helped get Carlisle off the streets. That's a good win.
Caffrey: I actually thought I was getting through to him.
Burke: Disappointing, isn't it? You think they're listening, and then they go off and do the opposite of what you say.

Scott: This is the guy who caught you?
Caffrey: Believe it or not, yeah.
Burke: Glad you're here. You still have the pieces you stole?
Scott: Depends. Which pieces do you know about?

Caffrey: So, what made you decide to come in?
Scott: Because stealing stupid things from rich people was already getting boring. Or because what you said got to me. Whichever makes you feel better. Thanks for the help.

Burke: Jones, could you cuff him again?
Jones: Real cute. Let's try it again.
Caffrey: Give him some time. People don't change overnight.
Burke: Believe me, I know. I work with living proof of it. But they do change.
Caffrey: You're not the Sheriff of Nottingham.
Burke: I know.
Caffrey: I'm thinking more King Richard the Lionheart.
Burke: I'll go with that.

Caffrey: I was just about to take a shower.
Sara: Oh? Is that a statement or an invitation?
Caffrey: Yes. Yes.

"Scott Free" Episode Guide Back to Season 3 Episode Guide