Quotes from White Collar Episode "Pulling Strings"

Season 3, Episode 14 Air Date: February 7, 2012

Caffrey: Why are you so early?
Mozzie: The park removed my breakfast bench.
Caffrey: Lucky me. What's in that?
Mozzie: Nothing. Hence my woe. You know, Ira the voice-box says we missed our chance to nab a Sargent painting.
Caffrey: Ira the voice-box doesn't talk.
Mozzie: He signs.
Caffrey: What's your point?
Mozzie: Neal, we are con men, grifters, mountebanks, flimflammers. We have to keep our skills sharp.
Caffrey: "Flimflammers"?
Mozzie: See? I'm already becoming a dinosaur. Look, I get that you have to play Boy Scout until your commutation hearing, but you are seriously hindering my primal instinct.
Caffrey: I don't think a few more weeks will render you extinct, Winosaurus.
Mozzie: Okay. A few more weeks. What happens if you get it? Have you thought about that?
Caffrey: My anklet comes off?
Mozzie: Yeah, and you're once again walking the streets of Manhattan a free man.
Caffrey: I could get a job.
Mozzie: A job? Seriously? 'Cause people love to hire ex-cons. You're gonna look dashing in janitorial green.
Caffrey: I was thinking more along the lines of corporate security or paid consultant to the FBI.
Mozzie: Oh, a GS-10 with a 401(K).
Caffrey: Keep your enemies close, right?
Mozzie: Starting salary of 45 grand. That will not keep you in those fancy ties.
Caffrey: Then I guess we will have to supplement my income.

Burke: This entire weekend, assume I do not exist. Don't e-mail me. Don't call me.
Diana: Don't even think about calling you.
Burke: Don't even think about thinking about calling you. Unless someone dies or Neal does something big, and maybe not even if someone dies.
Diana: Ah, the dead body might be mine. Christie and I are supposed to go ring shopping.
Burke: Does that mean that you –
Jones: Now that New York has legalized gay marriage...?
Diana: Yeah. Yeah, Christie proposed.
Burke: You're engaged! Congratulations!
Jones: Congratulations, Agent Berrigan.
Burke: Well, you guys go shopping for rings. Jones can cover Neal.
Jones: Yeah.
Diana: No, no. This is an important assignment.
Jones: Hey, hey, hey. Do not let Caffrey hijack your bling moment.
Diana: No, I want to help with Neal. I'm kind of pushing for a longer engagement. Things are moving faster than I thought they would.
Burke: Oh, completely understand.
Jones: Yeah. Been there, been there.
Burke: All right, well, then, have fun watching Neal.
Caffrey: Why do I get the feeling this is about me?
Burke: Not everything's about you.
Jones: Diana and Christie are engaged.
Caffrey: Congratulations. When's the date? What? I assume I'm invited.
Burke: Follow me.
Caffrey: I'm not invited?
Burke: Relax. What are your plans this weekend?
Caffrey: Oh, Mozzie has an in to meet the street artist Mis.Rule. She waltzed into the met and put one of her pieces up –
Burke: She sounds lovely, but you're booked.
Caffrey: I am?
Burke: Get in. We'll talk about it. Actually, I'll talk. You'll listen.
Caffrey: It's Mis.Rule.
Burke: Drop off Mis.Rule.

Burke: This weekend, I'm gonna be too busy to deal with you not being busy.
Caffrey: Ah, yes. Elizabeth's birthday. You need time to scramble for a gift?
Burke: For once, I don't. The charming Neal Caffrey will have to help elsewhere.
Caffrey: Ah, you planned ahead. What'd you get her?
Burke: I sent all of our old photographs and wedding footage out to be professionally edited into a DVD montage.
Caffrey: Sounds nice.
Burke: Yeah, I got the platinum package and everything.
Caffrey: Comes in a beautiful satin-bound book.
Burke: And I'm flying in her parents.
Caffrey: Your in-laws are coming?
Burke: Yeah.
Caffrey: You don't look happy.
Burke: I don't?
Caffrey: No.
Burke: I have an entire weekend of her mom singing "Bad Boys" ahead of me.
Caffrey: Oh, Peter, you have to introduce me.
Burke: Oh, no, no. I'm not giving you that kind of ammunition.
Caffrey: But I'm—
Burke: No. You're working on a case involving a stolen Stradivarius from the symphony. You like that stuff.
Caffrey: All right, it's not "stuff." Antonio Stradivari crafted some of the most unique and beautiful violins in the world. There are only 650 left.
Burke: I knew you couldn't resist the lure of a rich provenance.
Caffrey: Who's the case agent?
Burke: Before I tell you, remember that your commutation hearing is coming up, and you should consider this an opportunity to impress Diana, Jones, and myself with your maturity and self-restraint.
Caffrey: Peter, what did you do?
[Peter nods toward Sara.]
Caffrey: You're loaning me to my ex-girlfriend?
Burke: She's helped us in the past. Now she's calling in her favor. Come on. Smile.

Caffrey: Sara.
Sara: Neal.
Burke: Good. You're already getting along. You'll keep him in line?
Caffrey: I'm in charge. He's my headache.
Burke: Good. Everything's settled. You kids have fun.
Caffrey: Wait. You're leaving?
Burke: Sara will fill you in. She's the boss on this one.

Caffrey: Bryan's, um...
Sara: Bigger in person?
Caffrey: Easy, right? Just wouldn't want to come face-to-face with him in a very slow fight.

Sara: Now, unfortunately, I have to keep up appearances at work, but we'll reconvene tomorrow at 8:00 A.M.
Caffrey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 8:00 A.M. on a Saturday?
Sara: Oh, Peter said I'm the boss.
Caffrey: Huh. You know he's secretly hoping this will bring us back together, right?
Sara: Like "If he can get past you hiding the treasure, so can I" sort of thing?
Caffrey: If this is a problem for you...
Sara: No, no, not at all. But we're going to establish one rule.
Caffrey: I love rules.
Sara: Good. Rule number 1 — don't date the boss.
Caffrey: Too late!

Burke: Freeze. FBI... Oh, it's you.
Caffrey: Are you expecting a Girl Scout packing heat?
Burke: I thought El's parents were early. I told Diana to pick you up at home.
Caffrey: Yeah, and I told your babysitting service to pick me up here.
Burke: You're not being chaperoned.
Caffrey: Really?
Burke: All right, I'm cautious this weekend. Sue me.
Caffrey: Afraid I'll crash the Sears family portrait?

Burke: Okay. I'm a little embarrassed. Look at me. I'm hideous, I'm itchy, and I'm not a good enough liar to pull this off.
Caffrey: All right, remember, the best lies carry an element of truth.

Burke: Keep an eye on Neal.
Diana: Sure thing, Dr. Huxtable.

Sara: Right on time for duty... cadet.
Caffrey: She thinks she's in charge.

Caffrey: Why is Kramer here?
Jones: I don't know. What I do know is that you're not breaking in to Bryan's apartment.
Caffrey: Well, we're running out of time for a warrant. Maybe that cute paralegal in Judge Muir's office.
Sara: Boys, as much as I am enjoying this, you don't need a warrant. I have a key.

Burke: Freeze! FBI!
Mrs. Mitchell: Oh, Peter, you know what you are?
Burke: Yes, I do. I'm a bad boy. Bad boy. Oh, I'm gonna go help Alan and El with the bags.
Mrs. Mitchell: Hold on. Let me have a look at you. Oh! You're wearing my sweater!
Elizabeth: I'm surprised it's still holding up. He wears it all the time.

Caffrey: Oh. I see you've been here before. Does Bryan make keys for all his employees?
Sara: A few, for work or...
Caffrey: Pleasure? And here I thought you were the honest type. What happened to rule number one?
Sara: My private life is still private, Neal.
Caffrey: I understand. Honest women make me uncomfortable anyway.
Sara: Now, why is that? 'Cause you're not honest with them?
Caffrey: I hate feeling at a disadvantage.
Sara: I didn't lie to you.
Caffrey: No, you simply withheld certain truths.
Sara: Yes.
Caffrey: So I shouldn't be upset.
Sara: Exactly.
Caffrey: Exactly.
Sara: Oh, my God. You know what? Hiding priceless treasure and hiding an ex-boyfriend are two totally different things. Now, can we please focus? Because Bryan's gonna close this case in two days.
Caffrey: Uh-huh. So, if you really want my help solving this case, I have to know why you were in Beijing with Bryan.
Sara: Okay. You got me. We dated. It was years ago.
Caffrey: You're wearing the same new shoes.
Sara: All right, so I might have seen him recently.
Caffrey: He was your rebound off me.
Sara: Well, that seems only natural, considering you were my rebound off of him.
Caffrey: Ouch. You know, Sara, I'm starting to see a pattern emerge. You have a type.
Sara: Yes. Apparently, I date criminals.
Caffrey: Alleged criminals. I get it. More interesting.
Sara: Bryan was not a criminal when we dated, and I left him early in Beijing, right when he became interested in the violin.
Caffrey: Yeah, I think you should probably tell me everything, starting at the beginning.
Sara: Fine. When I first started at Sterling Bosch, Bryan was still working the field. We broke cases together — valuable objects, intriguing stories, exotic places.
Caffrey: Quite the globetrotter.
Sara: Well, one thing led to another –
Caffrey: Tell — don't show.
Sara: Eventually, he expressed his desire to expand Sterling Bosch beyond insurance. I didn't agree with this direction and realized how different we were. So I broke off our engagement.
Caffrey: Engagement?
Sara: Mm-hmm. Engagement. Now you know everything. Feels really good to share. You should try that sometime.

Jones: Caffrey and Sara are probably re-enacting "Moonlighting" by now. Everything okay with Kramer?
Sara: Yeah. He's collecting intel for Neal's hearing.
Jones: So watch what I say about Caffrey.
Sara: Kramer's asking a lot of questions.

Mozzie: So, how's it going with Little Miss Repo?
Caffrey: Little less "War of the Roses" now that there are no secrets between us.
Mozzie: Uh, have you forgotten about the battle of the missing Raphael?
Caffrey: Okay. Fewer secrets between us.

Caffrey: Hey, Peter.
Burke: You busy?
Caffrey: Well, you said you were too busy for me not to be. How's everything going?
Burke: I can't get a moment alone.
Mrs. Mitchell: Peter! It's your turn.
Burke: Okay, okay, yeah. One second. One second. They'd only let me escape to make a work call, which didn't please her dad.
Caffrey: Is he staring?
Burke: Like a creepy doll. You — you want to come over and ease the glare?
Caffrey: As much as I would love that ammunition, you made Sara the boss today.
Burke: Damn it. El hates the gift her parents gave her. Now there's extra pressure on mine to be great.
Caffrey: Well, you said it would be.
Burke: Well, I thought it was, but in reality, it looks like they didn't send the platinum package. And now I can't get a minute to check the disc. Is Mozzie there?
Mozzie: Oh, that cat can dance.
Caffrey: You must be really desperate.
Burke: Like a caged animal.
Caffrey: I'll send him over.

Mozzie: I'm only doing this for Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Mozzie, what are you doing here?
Mozzie: Well, birthdays only come but once a year, for those of you using the Julian calendar. Here, I got you this, uh...
Elizabeth: What?
Burke: Oh. Oh, thanks for making me look good.
Elizabeth: Mozzie, this is a Mis.Rule. How did you get this?
Burke: How did you get it?
Mozzie: I paid for it. But let's keep that between us. As they say, three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
Burke: Only Benjamin Franklin said that.
Mr. Mitchell: You know he invented the bifocal.
Burke: Yes.
Mozzie: That's a factoid, actually. The Dollonds made spectacles of that type for years before Franklin got credit, but misinformation within an elitist, patriarchal society runs deep.
Mr. Mitchell: You're distrustful of our founders?
Burke: Oh, Mozzie is distrustful of a lot of things.
Mr. Mitchell: A true Marxist!
Mozzie: Long live the proletariat!
Mr. Mitchell: Come on in.
Mozzie: Now you may thank me, Suit.

Brian: You're Neal Caffrey.
Caffrey: I usually pride myself on keeping a lower profile. What gave me away?
Brian: Who, actually. My girlfriend — She was after you for a stolen Raphael. Spent a lot of late nights on you.
Diana: You going to intervene?
Sara: No. No, I'm only concerned with one instrument here, not in watching them swing theirs. Did you clock Bryan getting through security?
Diana: Yep.
Caffrey: I guess I was the spark she needed to escape a...monotonous routine.
Brian: Until she realized fireworks don't have a lasting flame.
Caffrey: You know the nice thing about fireworks — there's usually a second show.
Sara: Well, you boys look like you're getting along.
Brian: Famously. You remember Neal, sweetie.
Sara: Hard to forget.

Mozzie: So, I told Derrida, "I will see your deconstructionism," and I will raise you transcendent abnegation."
Alan: You've created your own philosophical bubble.
Mozzie: I'm on my third manifest.
Mrs. Mitchell: Peter, where did you find him?
Burke: Oh, ho, ho. Well, like Alan said, mental instability is everywhere.

Alan: Rampant narcissism, delusions of grandeur, paranoia from overblown sense of self. He's...
Burke: Insane?
Alan: Magnificent!

Burke: You're sitting on my bed?
Mozzie: Oh. That chair is not ergonomically supportive.
Burke: You're good with the crazies. Her dad's liking your lies better than my truths.
Mozzie: Oh, they're not lies to those of us who have our eyes open.

Diana: Okay. So, I'm Bryan.
Caffrey: Really? 'Cause I have more in common with him.
Diana: I'm Bryan.

Diana: Sounds like Sara missed her calling.
Caffrey: Bonnie to any man's Clyde?
Diana: She sells this whole partner thing.
Caffrey: Mm. You could take some notes, wifey.
Diana: You just won't let it alone, huh?
Caffrey: You're one of the few people I've seen who isn't thrilled to be engaged.
Diana: It's just strange when something you never thought was a possibility suddenly is.
Caffrey: You're worried it's too good to be true?
Diana: Just takes a second to get used to.

Bryan: Why the change of heart?
Sara: I'm tired of living parallel lives thinking that you and I are moving in the same direction. We're not even on the same track. I want you to let me in.
Diana: Wonder if she's speaking from experience.
Caffrey: She's lying to get a confession.
Diana: Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Bryan: If you had kissed me half as passionately as you looked at Caffrey, this might have ended nicely.

Caffrey: We make a pretty good team.
Sara: We do, on the case, which is now closed.
Caffrey: Right. So you're no longer my boss.
Sara: Sadly.
Caffrey: So I guess we'll just...
Sara: We'll be friends.
Caffrey: Friends, right. You know, friends go out occasionally.
Sara: They do, don't they?
Caffrey: Yeah.
Sara: Well, then maybe you should call me sometime.

Diana: We're closing up for the night. You wanted to see me?
Kramer: I did. Yes. Sit down. Diana... You like working for Peter.
Diana: The FBI is my home.
Kramer: Oh. No one wants to lose their home.
Diana: What are you getting at, Agent Kramer?
Kramer: Going through these files have made me realize Caffrey's got a lot of secrets, the kind he can't cover up alone.
Diana: You think I'm helping him?
Kramer: I think maybe you and Peter turn a blind eye. But if I keep digging who knows what will turn up?
Diana: You won't find anything.
Kramer: You sure about that? I think we have to talk about Neal's commutation.

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