Quotes from White Collar Episode "Payback"

Season 2, Episode 14 Air Date: February 22, 2011

Diana: Who is this guy?
Burke: He's an old rival of Neal's. They were baccarat partners in Morocco.
Caffrey: Uh, backgammon in Monaco.
Burke: Close.
Caffrey: And we were never partners.
Diana: Mm, a contemporary of Neal's.... This I got to see.
Burke: No, he's not what you'd expect. A little more Ratso Rizzo than Cary Grant.
Caffrey: I'm Cary Grant?
Burke: Only by comparison to Ratso Rizzo.

Keller: How about you, Neal, huh? Is this business or pleasure?
Caffrey: It's always a pleasure seeing you behind bars.
Keller: Well, we're all in prison of sorts, aren't we? It's the life we make out of it that matters. I mean, you've made the most out of your prison sentence, working for the feds. I think I'd like to do the same.

Burke: I was supposed to pick up the dry cleaning last night. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth: Honey, it's okay. I got it.
Burke: Ugh! Wait. Wait a minute. You never called to remind me. Did you assume I'd forget?
Elizabeth: I know you had a lot on your mind.
Burke: Yeah, but I don't want to be the husband that forgets to pick up the dry cleaning.
Elizabeth: That's sweet.
Burke: But I am.
Elizabeth: Relax, okay? I'm not mad.
Burke: Yes, you are, and you're gonna hold onto it all day.
Elizabeth: Really? Would I really do that?
Burke: No. Never.
Elizabeth: Okay, you're the one who forgot the dry cleaning.
Burke: See?
Elizabeth: Now you scared the dog.
Burke: Oh, add that to my list of imperfections.
Elizabeth: Okay, look, I don't want to be the wife that has to call and nag you to do things. And plus, it's a lot more effort to try and remind you, and I don't even know if you're gonna remember.
Burke: I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was such a foregone conclusion.
Elizabeth: Neither did I. Can we stop this?
Burke: Yes. Please.
Elizabeth: Okay, I've got to go to work.
Burke: Me too.
Elizabeth: Have a wonderful day.
Burke: You too. Yeah, that could have gone better. You didn't help.

Mozzie: What about...Kate?
Caffrey: What about her?
Mozzie: Well, Keller's used her to provoke you before. He may do it again.
Caffrey: Keller can bring up Kate, he can offer Peter deals, he can even beat me at chess...
Mozzie: He's winning the chess game?
Caffrey: No. But my point... forged passports won't stop the transfer, and I've moved past Kate. I have, Moz.
Mozzie: Clearly.
Caffrey: Look, she'll always be a part of me, but... I have to move on.
Mozzie: Okay.

Burke: Hughes still wants us to find out if Lang is making phony passports.
Caffrey: Oh, don't tell me we have to make a deal with Keller.
Burke: Oh, relax, we're not gonna release Keller on an anklet... Unless June has a spare bedroom.
Caffrey: Oh, that's not funny.
Burke: No, you're right. You're nothing like Keller.
Caffrey: 'Cause he's a killer.
Burke: Well, there's that, and he had cigars in his cell. I remember your prison cell... no cigars.
Caffrey: When you're done, I'd like to go visit Lang's studio.
Burke: All right, I'm just saying, you know, he had a Tiffany lamp...
Caffrey: So did my mom.

Caffrey: What's going on?
Burke: Nothing.
Caffrey: Oh, come on. Your sarcasm goes up in direct proportion to your stress level.
Burke: It's Elizabeth. I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.
Caffrey: Well, it happens.
Burke: Apparently, all the time. I've become the guy who forgets to do it so often that she had to pick it up without even asking me if I got it.
Caffrey: She was angry?
Burke: No.
Caffrey: And that's bad?
Burke: Yes. I'm a constant disappointment.
Caffrey: She said that?
Burke: Implied.
Caffrey: Maybe she finds your forgetfulness endearing.
Burke: I don't want her to find my forgetfulness endearing. And the worst part is, when she left this morning, I didn't call her "hon."
Caffrey: Have you ever seen an actual fight? Because...
Burke: It's our own little abbreviation for saying, "I love you." When we first got married, I used to say, "I love you, honey." Then it became, "love you, honey," then "honey." Now all we need to say is, "hon."
Caffrey: Very efficient.
Burke: Point is I didn't say it.
Caffrey: Look, call her, leave her a voice mail, and say "hon" before you hang up. Did I miss anything?
Burke: No. I'll call her as soon as we're done here.
Caffrey: Okay.

Elizabeth: They say this is the biggest manhunt the FBI has run in a decade.
Caffrey: Even I've never seen anything like this.
Elizabeth: What do you know about Keller?
Caffrey: He's a chess player. He thinks 10,12 moves ahead.
Elizabeth: So everything they're doing... all the helicopters and the agents knocking on doors?
Caffrey: He would have foreseen that.
Elizabeth: They don't know his end game.
Caffrey: No.
Elizabeth: What are you doing?
Caffrey: Well, they want me to go home... Sit tight.
Elizabeth: But is that what you're gonna do?
Caffrey: What do you want me to do?
Elizabeth: Whatever it takes to bring him home.

Diana: I'm supposed to be escorting you home.
Caffrey: I need to meet up with a friend first.
Diana: I hope you're not planning on making a side deal with Keller.
Caffrey: Look, Diana, if this were any other kidnapper...
Diana: Rule one... never let someone emotionally involved do the negotiating.
Caffrey: Yeah, if you're willing to lose your hostage. I've read the FBI playbook. So has Keller.
Diana: Well, why do you think he's so different?
Caffrey: Early in his career, Keller pulled a 3-man job. The game was pretty straightforward, and nobody got hurt. But while they're walking away from the site, the third man says he thinks he left his passport behind. While he's checking his pockets, Keller put a bullet in his is head. The guy's passport was in his back pocket the whole time. Keller didn't wait to find out.
Diana: You were the second man?
Caffrey: If I can engage him, I can make sure Peter's alive and figure out a lead.
Diana: I can't endorse what you're doing.
Caffrey: What do you think Peter would let me do?
Diana: All right, I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. I'll meet you here in...
Caffrey: One hour.

Mozzie: So, you ditched Big Brother?
Caffrey: "Brother"?
Mozzie: Big Sister.
Caffrey: Yeah, she's not gonna follow us. What's with the sack of hammers? I said bring one.
Mozzie: You said to surprise you.
Caffrey: Moz! You're worried about Peter.
Mozzie: I happen to have an arsenal of hammers. Look, you've got half an hour before the exchange. Unless Keller's developed a hammer fetish, I imagine we're smashing something?
Caffrey: Recognize this spot?
Mozzie: I once met a man in this park who claimed to be John Lennon, and I believed him.
The year was 1991.
Caffrey: Hmm. It's where Kate and I used to come. I used to think one day our kids would play on that playground.
Mozzie: I didn't know you thought about kids.
Caffrey: Yeah. I thought we'd grow old here.
Mozzie: You were gonna propose?
Caffrey: I had the whole thing worked out, Moz. Remember that street violinist? Caesar. I had him learn "Everybody Loves Somebody." He was gonna spontaneously break into it when we passed.
Mozzie: Why didn't you tell me?
Caffrey: Would you have approved?
Mozzie: Perhaps not. But the name "Uncle Mozzie" does have a certain je ne sais quoi. I assume you acquired a ring?
Caffrey: Yeah. I figured it was safer to leave it here than in a safety deposit box when I was in prison.
Mozzie: Well, any idiot can rob a bank. That's the McNally Solitaire. That's worth at least two...
Caffrey: And a half million at the last appraisal.
Mozzie: I thought we had depleted your resources.
Caffrey: I guess I was still holding out.
Mozzie: For what?
Caffrey: Hope... That she wasn't gone.
Mozzie: Well, fate has a way of putting in front of us that which we most try to leave behind.
Caffrey: Dostoevsky?
Mozzie: No, me during my blue period. Are you really willing to give that up for the suit?
Caffrey: Keeping Peter alive is more important than holding a candle for someone who isn't.

Mozzie: Um, I'm selling magazines. Uh, Suit Quarterly, anyone? No? Clearly, I have the wrong house.
Elizabeth: It's... it's... it's okay. He's... he's a friend. We can talk on the patio.
Elizabeth: Did Neal send you?
Mozzie: No. I came of my own volition.
Elizabeth: Look, I don't know anything, and it's killing me.
Mozzie: Listen, I don't usually give these guys much credit, but between them and Neal, Peter's gonna be home in time for dinner tonight.
Elizabeth: You know that? Moz, what you know?
Mozzie: Neal's meeting with the bad guys right now to strike a deal. He's also giving them what they want to ensure your husband's safe return.
Elizabeth: Peter and I had a fight this morning.
Mozzie: I'm sure it was nothing.
Elizabeth: No, there's never small fights. It's... You don't resolve them, they fester. And this is the first morning that we didn't. I thought he would have loved that I picked up the dry cleaning.
Mozzie: Seriously? This is about dry cleaning? I-I'm sorry. The longest relationship I've had is 11 days. And then she deflated. I'm kidding. Go on.
Elizabeth: The last thing I said to him was, "Have a wonderful day."
Mozzie: Now, I'm guessing, in a fight about dry cleaning, that that's pretty severe.
Elizabeth: We're not like most couples, Moz. We work. I don't want to lose him.
Mozzie: Look, I understand how hard this is, particularly when the suits won't tell you anything. That's why I want you to have this. I'm gonna drop a bug in there so you can hear what they hear... When they hear it.
Elizabeth: Thank you.

Diana: Let me get this straight... you gave them a multimillion-dollar ring, and they still have Peter?
Caffrey: I admit the terms weren't favorable.
Diana: You think?
Caffrey: What's the FBI found so far? Oh, that's right. I've got proof of life and a message.
Diana: How do you even have access to a multimillion-dollar ring?
Caffrey: Oh, that's for another time. I asked Peter for the phone number I used when I was first arrested.
Diana: What, and you didn't have one?
Caffrey: Actually, I had several, but I was hoping he'd take the opportunity to pass me a 10-letter message using the keypad.

Caffrey: Why is there a tree on your dashboard?
Diana: It's a hybrid. It's showing me how efficiently I'm driving.
Caffrey: You're not driving very green. All your leaves are falling off.
Diana: Do you want to catch Keller?
Caffrey: I feel like I'm stuck inside the giving tree... Nothing left but a stump.
Diana: I'll grow a new one over the weekend.

Hughes: We told you to go home. And you were to take him there!
Diana: Sir, I know that, but...
Hughes: But you made an exchange... exactly what we said we don't do.
Diana: Sir, in his defense, no one knows Keller better than Neal. Had we interceded in any way, he thought they would have killed Peter.
Hughes: I'll deal with you later. Right now, we've got a free criminal and a captive agent to get back. Now do your job. Get him out of here.
Caffrey: The exchange was the only way to contact Peter. And we almost stopped Keller.
Diana: I know.
Caffrey: I can't just go home.
Diana: Neal... you don't have a choice.
Caffrey: Thanks for sticking up for me in there.
Diana: I'll let you know as soon as I hear something, okay?

Burke: Before I hand that back to you, is it stolen?
Caffrey: Well, it's never been reported as stolen.
Burke: Listen, if it's legitimately yours, the FBI can't hold onto it.
Caffrey: Well, it's been missing for a couple hundred years, but, uh... It doesn't belong to me.
Caffrey: You may want to contact the Scotland Royal Museum.
Burke: What?

Burke: Hey, hon.
Elizabeth: Hey, hon.

Caffrey: Keller.
Keller: I saw the surprise party you set up for me. It's very kind. I'm sorry I couldn't make it.
Caffrey: Yeah, me too.
Keller: I couldn't have escaped without you, Neal. But I guess we both got what we wanted, right?
Caffrey: I wouldn't say that.
Keller: How about we call this one a draw? We'll take a break for a while. What do you say?
Caffrey: I'm gonna find you, Keller.
Keller: Well, that might be tough. I'm already outside your radius. Hey, Caffrey... You're starting to sound like a lawman.

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