Quotes from White Collar Episode "Neighborhood Watch"

Season 3, Episode 12 Air Date: January 31, 2012

Elizabeth: Oh, sexy tech talk, Inspector Gadget.
Burke: You like?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Burke: Well, if I'm late tonight, I'm probably dealing with a wireless XD5 Intel motherboard thingy problem.
Elizabeth: Mm. Very hot.

Burke: Agent Westley didn't graduate from Quantico so that he could write your case reports.
Caffrey: Peter, I know how important those reports are. You always say, "if it happens in the field —
Burke: It happens in the file."
Caffrey: Yes. And writing them takes practice. I gave those reports to Westley as a gift.
Burke: A gift?
Caffrey: One he can invest in his future.

Caffrey: Everything okay?
Burke: El may have given us a lead. I'll tell you about it on the way. And pay attention, 'cause I'm gonna need a report.

Burke: 12:44.
Caffrey: Yep. Maybe they saw us and called off the job.
Burke: Seems unlikely. Maybe El misheard.
Caffrey: Over static, "noon" sounds like a lot of things. Soon.
Burke: Balloon.
Caffrey: Saloon.
Burke: Well, a lot of people chatting about saloons these days.
Burke: And "I'll meet you at balloon" makes complete sense.

Elizabeth: Thanks for coming, Moz. I know it sounds crazy.
Mozzie: Oh, our survival hinges on assuming total destruction is a hairsbreadth away. Never ignore your instincts.
Elizabeth: Well, I normally am a "look on the bright side" kind of person.
Mozzie: Oh, a slightly different world view.
Elizabeth: I know what I heard.
Mozzie: I would normally let aspiring criminals do their thing, but for you, I'll make an exception.
Elizabeth: This is the scanner. It's on the same channel as before.
Mozzie: Oh, it's important to keep indisputable records of anything that is disputable.

Elizabeth: (Listening to a phone conversation) Poor Fred. How could it get any worse?
Mozzie: Oh, I think Fred knows more than he's letting on.

Mozzie: A gun!
Elizabeth: You think?
Mozzie: Yep. Definitely a Sig Sauer P227... Or a Tony Award.

Caffrey: So, who's Woodward and who's Bernstein? They're waiting on a work order. It could be anything. And a duffel bag could be filled with gym clothes.
Mozzie: Mm. There are no certainties in life.
Caffrey: Well, here's one. If you saw a gun, you should let Peter know.
Elizabeth: Neal, I saw the way Peter looked at me today. He thinks I'm paranoid after what happened with Keller.
Caffrey: No, he's just –
Elizabeth: Neal, stop it. He does. I don't want him to see me as a victim.
Caffrey: Look, he worries about you.
Elizabeth: And I'm worried that the new neighbors are up to something.
Caffrey: Look, this is exactly when having a husband in the FBI comes in handy.
Elizabeth: Not until I know more. On the off chance that I might be wrong, will you help?
Caffrey: Moz and I will take a look around, see if there's anything Peter needs to know about.
Elizabeth: Thanks. Wait. We're not talking about breaking and entering?
Caffrey: No.
Mozzie: Of course not. There won't be any breaking.
Caffrey: Or entering.

Burke: And, from the looks of it, it's all good in my 'hood.
Diana: Ooh.
Burke: I can't really pull that phrase off, can I?
Diana: Not even close.
Jones: You're under a lot of pressure. It's okay.

Caffrey: You got a knife handy?
Mozzie: We said we wouldn't break in.
Caffrey: I'm not breaking in. I'm reaching in. Moz, the bag is right here. I need something sharp to pry the window.
Mozzie: Mrs. Suit made me leave my tools.
Caffrey: We don't have time. Come on.

Mozzie: Careful! This neighborhood is rife with tetanus.

Mozzie imitating bird call.
Caffrey: I don't know what that means!
Mozzie: It means to hide, obviously.

Caffrey: They get dinner, and we're trapped here in the car.
Mozzie: Oh, Mrs. Suit thought of that. She packed a meal.
Caffrey: And out comes the deviled ham.
Mozzie: No, wait. No foul odors of mayo or flaked pig. Ah. A nice beaujolais.
Caffrey: Peter gets apple juice. She made croque-monsieur.
Mozzie: Oh, one with gruyère, one sans.
Caffrey: Definitely a notch above the typical FBI stakeout.
Mozzie: Merci for stating the obvious.
Mozzie turns on the radio to a French singer.
Caffrey: Oh, Peter always puts on the game. I don't know if you want to...
Mozzie: Oh, nine innings — The same number as Dante's circles. You know, if you play your cards right, your days of deviled ham may be coming to an end.
Caffrey: If my sentence gets commuted? Yeah. That's true. No more long nights in parked cars.
Mozzie: Small mercies.
Caffrey: Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes Peter will tell a story about a bust or an old case, and those nights are all right.
Mozzie: You're bordering on nostalgia.

Burke: I like Vikings.

Burke: Oh, yeah, well, I know the feeling. My wife recently used me as a patsy.
Mozzie: Yeah, and operation dinner roll was a success.
Burke: Operation what?

Burke: Well, because of this, my C.I. spent an evening teaching my wife the finer points of lock-picking and B&E.
Diana: I heard. He came in early to follow up with the phone company.
Burke: Atoning. Good. Have we run Ben Ryan through indices?
Diana: I did. It's not good. Ben served 4 years at Five Points correctional facility for possession of stolen property.
Burke: Even when Neal's not around, I end up eating dinner with grand larcenists.

Burke: El swears she's fine. She says she wants us to get this son of a bitch.
Caffrey: You could put a detail on the house.
Burke: No, she'll be peering out the window all day. She'll notice the car.
Caffrey: Well, I think she'd understand you're looking out for her safety.
Burke: She'll know I'm worried about her. If she knows I'm distracted, then she'll worry about me. It's the last thing she needs.
Caffrey: I'm sure Mozzie would swing by.
Burke: Tell him to keep his feet off the furniture.
Caffrey: Done.

Caffrey: Well, we could drag him in, show him how the bureau does threats.
Burke: There's been no crime. We don't have anything to threaten him with, plus if we bring him in, we'd only be firing up flares. And I don't know if I can restrain myself if I had him alone.

Caffrey: So maybe Ben will let something slip if he thinks I'm a criminal. … You know what I mean. The question is, how do I make Ben think I'm one of him?
Burke: Meeting Connor is a violation of Ben's parole. I could give his P.O. a call.
Caffrey: Good. Then I show up at the parole office as a fellow ex-con struggling to stay on the straight and narrow.
Burke: A role you were born to play.

Caffrey: The screws on the outside are worse than the screws on the inside.
Ben: Yeah. You got that right.
Caffrey: Nick Halden.
Ben: Ben Ryan.
Caffrey: You know where to get a drink around here, Ben?
Ben: I was just headed over to my buddy's place. You want to take a walk?
Caffrey: I'm not supposed to be palling around with ex-cons.
Ben: Yeah, me either. If I had a dime for everything I wasn't supposed to do...
Caffrey: I'd call it a steady gig.
Ben: You like strip joints?

Caffrey: Listen, um... I like your eye makeup. It'd look good on my girlfriend. Want to part with it?
Stripper: You gonna tell her where you got it?
Caffrey: Our little secret. Thank you.

Burke: That's a bright eyeshadow. What color would you call that?
Caffrey: Kingfisher.
Burke: What?
Caffrey: It's in the turquoise family.
Burke: Oh. Made yourself right at home at the Stardust.
Caffrey: Well, when you do a rubbing at a strip club, your options are limited.
Burke: Oh, I'm tempted to make a "rubbing at a strip club" joke.
Caffrey: Floated it right across the plate for you.
Burke: You did.
Caffrey: I'm glad you're above it.
Burke: I am.

Burke: Right, and they're already long gone.
Caffrey: I don't think so. Ben bought a house. He's putting down roots.
Burke: They're not going anywhere.
Caffrey: No. He's gonna be smart about it. He's not gonna start driving a Bugatti. He's gonna pay his mortgage...
Burke: Sit on his cash, put up ugly curtains, play his music too loud, and borrow my tools. To hell with that.
Caffrey: Well, if we're right, we can still catch him.

Mozzie: Damn! Your Sakhari Freedom Fighters have rebuffed me again.
Elizabeth: You know, I know what you're doing, Moz.
Mozzie: Impossible. My cheating is undetectable.
Elizabeth: Peter sent you here to protect me.
Mozzie: I am simply enjoying the Napoleonic tactics hidden in a game that some would call child's play.
Elizabeth: Mm.
Mozzie: I'm my own man, but the suit may know I'd be dropping by.
Elizabeth: So you're my Sakhari freedom fighter?
Mozzie: If the shoe fits.

Elizabeth: We got to go. Come on.
Mozzie: Seriously? You're a bad influence.

Burke: Just stay back and be careful.
Elizabeth: Uh, it's a little late for that.
Mozzie: We tailed Rebecca.
Caffrey: Moz?
Mozzie: Elizabeth is like a terrifying amalgamation of Danica Patrick and "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." You were supposed to just keep watch.
Elizabeth: But you said, "Be safe." And the only way I'm gonna feel safe is when Ben and Rebecca are behind bars.
Caffrey: Does Rebecca know you're following her?
Elizabeth: No, no, no. I had a secure distance, and I had a buffer car.
Burke: I taught you those maneuvers to skirt a tail, not become one.
Elizabeth: Isn't it the same principle?

Elizabeth: Moz, how long is it gonna take for them to count that much money?
Mozzie: With bill counters — like 10, 15 minutes.
Elizabeth: Peter's across town. He'll never make it in time.
Mozzie: But the Suit said to leave!
Elizabeth: Are you gonna bow to the will of the establishment?
Mozzie: No! Yes. I can't let you do this.
Elizabeth: We have to stall them.
Mozzie: Fine, then let me do it.
Elizabeth: No. I have a plan. I'm gonna tell them I'm FBI.
Mozzie: That is the worst plan I've ever heard, literally ever. They won't buy it.
Elizabeth: Why not?
Mozzie: You don't carry yourself like a fed.
Elizabeth: Well, I've been married to Peter for over a decade. I can do this.
Mozzie: Okay, let me see your G-man impression.
Elizabeth: Clears throat. Elizabeth Burke. FBI. I want to ask you some questions.
Mozzie: Okay, first of all, lose the hands on the hips. You look like Wonder Woman. Good. Now I need to see more hatred in your eyes. You should exude pure evil, born of a blackened soul. That's how they look to me!
Elizabeth: All right. I can do this, all right? What are we gonna do about you?
Mozzie: Oh, are you referring to my anti-Brooks Brothers vêtements?

Burke: I don't remember. Is quinoa on the menu at Five Points?

Caffrey: Did you impersonate an FBI agent? I happen to know that's illegal. Just saying.
Elizabeth: Spousal immunity?
Caffrey: You made that up.
Burke: She has spousal immunity.

Elizabeth: Well, they don't call me "Mrs. Suit" for nothing.
Burke: I might be able to get a desk for you at the office, right next to Neal's.
Elizabeth: I think I'll stick to keeping our street safe.

Elizabeth: Still, I don't know. It might be worth questioning them about the case of the missing belt sander.
Burke: Mm. Mrs. Suit.
Elizabeth: Shut that blind.
Burke: I brought home my servo-powered XLG3.
Elizabeth: Mm, what's that do?

"Neighborhood Watch" Episode Guide Back to Season 3 Episode Guide