Quotes from White Collar Episode "Deadline"

Season 3, Episode 3 Air Date: June 21, 2011

Burke: Don't use the Internet. I don't need someone piecing this together from your Google translation page.
Diana: You're getting as paranoid as Mozzie.
Burke: Maybe.
Diana: A cup of tea, a German-English dictionary, and I'll have it translated in a day or two.

Burke: You know what they say. When they're out to get you, paranoia is only good thinking.

Diana: Neal, this is my girlfriend, Christie.
Caffrey: Christie. It's so nice to finally meet you.
Christie: The infamous Neal Caffrey. I think his smile's more charming than devious.
Caffrey: Thank you.
Diana: Trust me, it's devious. We should go. We'll be late for our reservation.
Caffrey: Date night, huh? Where you headed?
Christie: Babbo.
Caffrey: Oh, excellent. Their truffle risotto was the inspiration for mine.
Christie: You cook?
Caffrey: I dabble. The secret's the cheese. I use raw-milk pecorino.
Diana: You see? Unpasteurized dairy is illegal. Devious.
Caffrey: Illegal to sell. Mine was a gift.
Christie: You're a chef. I, uh, attempt desserts.
Caffrey: Oh. Well, we should combine forces. Let's have a date night this week. I'll bring Sara.
Diana: Sure. We'll put it on the books.

Diana: Neal, this is my girlfriend, Christie.
Burke: In order to protect her, you can't get fired. She's gonna keep you on a tight leash, ask you to do things that are way beneath you. For the length of your assignment, your life is not your own.
Caffrey: Neal Yeah.
Diana: So, I'll be at the absolute beck and call of my tough new boss.
Neal chuckles.
Burke: What's funny?
Caffrey: Nothing. No. If you ever need any advice...

Sara: It's me. Sorry. Snuck out while you were sleeping.
Caffrey: Oh, I heard you. Morning.
Sara: Morning.
Caffrey: You know, if you'd stayed over, I'd have made you coffee.
Sara: Mm-hmm. I had an early client call, which is kind of why I'm here. I need...
Caffrey: Help?
Sara: Advice. I'm working a recovery, and I'm up against a tech 98 alarm system.
Caffrey: Full video, remote monitoring.
Sara: Can I beat it?
Caffrey: Yeah. You need to get to the control panel and take out the wi-fi. You have bolt cutters?
Sara: Small, medium, and large... But that's assuming I can dodge the guards.
Caffrey: Well, you find a partner, you could run a Wally Burns.
Sara: What's a Wally Burns?
Caffrey: One person distracts while the other gains access.
Sara: Oh. You think I could go it alone with a stun gun and a D.O.D.-grade router? Normal people don't talk about this before work.
Caffrey: No, they don't. We can try normal.
Sara: Okay.
Caffrey: Yeah, let's try it.
Sara: Great. Sweetie?
Caffrey: Yes, darling?
Sara: Did you take out the garbage?
Caffrey: Honey, I shredded the garbage. You know the feds love to rummage.
Sara: They're not the only ones. You know, I once tracked a Rothko to the Hamptons using a jitney receipt.
Caffrey: Okay, that did not work. Um...All right, how's this for normal? We are invited to my co-worker's house for a dinner party.
Sara: I will whip up some canapés. You're being serious?
Caffrey: Diana's girlfriend thought it might be fun.
Sara: Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too.
Caffrey: What's behind that tech 98?
Sara: I can't tell you. What are you doing today?
Caffrey: Helping Peter find out who's threatening to kill a public figure while Diana goes undercover as her assistant.
Sara: Same old, same old?
Caffrey: Mm-hmm.
Sara: Who is it?
Caffrey: Can't tell you.

Diana: Little Miss Headband out there? She won't last a week — Because she doesn't know who she is or where she wants to be. I do. I want to work for you.

Jones: Hey, Blake, who's at extension 2614 at Prager R& Vaughn?
Blake: Company directory has her listed as Amy Sawyer, R&D.
Jones: Sawyer.
Blake:She lives at... 4258 West 79th Street. She's cute.
Jones: Yes, she is.
Blake: Unmarried. No dependents.
Jones: Unless you count Sir Boots Barkley. You got her cellphone?
Blake: Yeah.

Amy Sawyer: Hello?
Jones: Yes, Ms. Sawyer? I live in 6A. I found your dog, Boots, in the hallway.
Amy Sawyer: Boots? How did he get out?
Jones: I have no idea. But I got to get to work. Can you please come and pick him up?
Amy Sawyer: Yeah, I'm on my way.

Burke: Hey, the accent sounds pretty realistic. How's it going over there?
Diana: I have so many paper cuts, I need a blood transfusion. It is impossible to remove wheat grass from Chanel. She made me go to her Brownstone to give Prozac to her parrot.
Burke: How was that?
Diana: It shrieked at me about deadlines.

Diana: She wants to have dinner with Salman Rushdie tonight. How am I supposed to f-- Wait, you can find Salman Rushdie.
Burke: Oh, I'd have to pull some strings.
Mailman: Mail.
Helen: Why isn't my mail open?
Diana: I see why she gets so many death threats.

Elizabeth: Hey, Jones.
Jones: Hey! Cowboys in space? I want you to plan my birthday party.
Elizabeth: Do you want a moon bounce, as well?
Jones: I want to be a cowboy.
Elizabeth: Oh, well, there you go, Jones.
Jones: Giddy up.

Caffrey: The Zhviegel Millennium? I won't even need my picks. I'll just bump it.
Mozzie: Ah. But with my modifications, it is unlike any other Zhviegel on the market.
Caffrey: Tension's unreadable. I'm impressed.
Mozzie: That lock is so complex, it is only rivaled by my mind.
(Lock clicks)
Caffrey: Oh, I used the hook. It was tough, though. If you added another pin
Mozzie: Ah, a bluff inside the cylinder.
Caffrey: Yeah. This and a wedge under the door, and Helen Anderson's townhouse will be more secure than Fort Knox.
Mozzie: Which, as we know, has its own weaknesses.

Diana: What smells so g— Hey!
Christie: Hi, honey.
Caffrey: People always say they're gonna get together, and they never do, so I called Christie.
Diana: And here we are.
Caffrey:Here we are.
Christie: Neal, this risotto's delicious.
Diana: I need one more bite.
Diana: Contraband cheese. Caffrey, I should fine you and confiscate the dairy.
Caffrey: Hey, don't take your day with Helen out on me.
Diana: Oh, don't get me started. Actually, I could use your help with this. Her source gave her a flash drive with these numbers on it and no explanation.
Christie: Oh. Patent I.D.s, formula files?
Diana: Nope. They don't correspond with Zybax or any P&V product.
Christie: Maybe samples. I could check in the hospital pharmacy tomorrow.
Diana: Thank you.
Christie: How about you, Sara? What do you do?
Neal: She is in insurance.
Christie: Oh, the kind that sends me mountains of paperwork?
Sara: No. No, no. Um, but if your Rodin goes missing, please call me.
Christie: Oh, insurance recovery. Yes. Wait a minute. That means that—
Diana: That's right. He steals 'em. She gets 'em back.
Christie: Wow. I've got to know how you both met.
Caffrey: She has been after me for a long time.
Sara: Oh, my God! He stole a Raphael.
Caffrey: Conjecture, Your Honor.
Sara: And I pursued. And I haven't forgotten about the Raphael.
Caffrey: We're boring. Anyway, how about you two? How'd you two meet?
Christie: It's a really cute story.
Diana: Oh, they don't want to hear it.

Diana: Oh, thanks.
Caffrey: So, you and Diana — Come on. You were her doctor? Krav Maga?
Christie: I'm not gonna tell you.
Caffrey: All right, fine. How was dinner the other night?
Christie: Oh, it was great.
Caffrey: When I eat at Babbo, I like to go to this bar around the corner after -- Simone's.
Christie: I love Simone's.
Caffrey: Yeah?
Christie: We came straight home. We both had work to do.
Caffrey: Oh. Laptops in bed? Sounds romantic.
Christie: Very — I researched Stents, and Di finished up for a morning meeting.
Caffrey: A meeting before her day with Helen? Sounds like a busy day.
Christie: She had to drop something off.
Diana: You told him, didn't you?
Caffrey: Told me what?
Diana: Yeah, nice try, Caffrey. How we met.
Christie: I didn't tell him.
Caffrey: I thought it was cute.
Diana: There's nothing cute about pottery class.
Caffrey: Yes! Pottery class! So much better than I ever could have imagined.
Diana: Oh, no.
Sara: And that would have explained...
Diana: Yeah, well, I made that.
Sara: Oh, uh, I mean, I think that it's lovely.
Caffrey: Ditto.
Diana: Oh, yeah. All right, let's get all the Ghost jokes out of the way -- Hum "Unchained Melody,” slide a penny up the wall.
Caffrey: Uh-huh. It's supposed to be round, right?
Diana: It's absolutely hideous.

Mozzie: Neal. Did you get it? Oh. Get a room!
Sara: We are in a room.
Caffrey: My room.
Mozzie: That hurts. Next time I make a lock, I guess it should be for "your" door.
Or there is this thing called knocking.
Caffrey: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're leaving?
Sara: Mood sufficiently killed. Call me later. Or come over.
Mozzie: Sure.
Sara: Not you.
Mozzie: Seriously, just put a sock on the doorknob.

Mozzie: Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.

Burke: Christie called.
Caffrey: Oh. She run the numbers through the hospital pharmacy?
Burke: She wanted me to ask you if and you and Sara want to play doubles next weekend.
Jones: Yeah, Caffrey, when you gonna cook me dinner? I like risotto.
Caffrey: Look at the two of you, trying to be funny. Don't we have a case to work?

Burke: What is it?
Diana: You know, Helen never invited an assistant anywhere. This is like an unofficial promotion.
Burke: You realize you don't actually work for her.
Diana: Oh, but I do.
Burke: Well, congratulations on your unofficial promotion. Stay close to Helen. Be careful. Whoever had her in their sights is still out there.
Diana: I won't let anything happen to Helen.
Burke: Oh, I know you'll take care of her. I'm worried about you.
Diana: Don't be. I'm gonna walk out of the front door of P&V with everything we need to take them down.
Burke: My gut's bothering me.
Diana: Maybe you need some Zybax.
Burke: Think I'll pass.

Diana: Drop it, or I'll put a bullet in each kneecap. I promise I'm faster.

Diana: Get the handcuffs out of my purse.
Helen: Who are you?
Diana: Agent Diana Barrigan, FBI. Damn right, I'm overqualified.

Burke: Any chance of getting that case report by the end of the day?
Diana: If I can get it to you by lunch, can I go to that tech conference in Miami?
Burke: By lunch? Sure.
Diana: Miami's gonna feel so good in November.

Helen: Diana, a woman like you shouldn't be surrounded by florescent lights and old spice. You are the best assistant I have ever had. I want you back. Whatever they pay you here, I will pay more than double.
Diana: I don't need a byline. In my interview, I told you I knew who I was and where I wanted to be. That's right here.
Helen: I dedicated my article to Casey Mendell. But I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for you.
Diana: You should hire your old assistant back. She's the one who saved your life.
Helen: I have a deadline.
Diana: Goodbye, Helen.

Caffrey: It's amazing. The love inside. You take it with you. Come on. Who am I?
Diana: You in danger, boy.
Burke: Ghost quotes? Neal, if you know how Diana and Christie met, you are officially part of the family.

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