Quotes from White Collar Episode "Book of Hours"

Season 1, Episode 3 Air Date: November 6, 2009

Mozzie: Yes, I'll take [the bottle] back to the lab, run some tests.
Caffrey: You don't have a lab. You have a storage unit.
Mozzie: Semantics.

Burrelli: Last week, somebody walks into my church... steals the Bible.
Burke: A bible? An actual bible?
Burrelli: Yeah, you know, the Flood, Abraham sacrifices Isaac. You heard of it?

Burrelli: Please, help me find my God damned bible.

Burke: All right, look, when they dug up King Tut, everybody made such a big deal out of the curse of the pharaoh.
Caffrey: Yeah, two dozen people who entered the tomb ended up dead.
Burke: Yeah, they probably caught some old bacterial infection. Germs. There's your divine intervention.
Caffrey: God can't use bacteria?
Burke: I prefer my miracles with a little more smiting and lightning.

Caffrey: So you don't think some higher power could have saved the congregation?
Burke: Oh, I'm more inclined to think they kept the doors shut and loaded up on vitamin C.
Caffrey: Maybe God works with what He's got.
Burke: And God said, "Shut thine doors and eat thine oranges?"
Caffrey: Why not?

Burke: Glad we followed your hunch. I hope it takes us somewhere.
Caffrey: Oh, ye of little faith.
Burke: (sighs) Been waiting all day to trot that one out, huh?
Caffrey: Been holding' on to it since lunch.

Ruiz: Where's your pet convict?
Burke: I left him in the car with the windows cracked.

Mozzie: (Posing as FBI) Look, I just need a urine swab from the vic's toilet. If I don't get it soon, it'll spike the cross-reactivity and then...
Dixon: I got orders too, pal. No I.D., no pee.

Caffrey: Any problems getting in?
Mozzie: None. He thinks I'm swabbing toilets. I figure we've got about ten minutes until he gets curious.
Caffrey: Why, is that the standard toilet-swabbing time?
Mozzie: Yes! That's exactly what it is.
Caffrey: Now, you look pretty comfortable in that FBI windbreaker. Maybe it's time to consider a new career path.
Mozzie: No, I prefer to keep my soul.

Burke: Then it's a Book of Hours.
Fiametta: Most likely, yes. In the Italian style.
Burke: It's a large prayer book to show their devotion. Monks and nuns had to recite the psalms, hymns, or chants at specific times all day long.
Caffrey: Sunday school.
Burke: Lots of Sundays.

Elizabeth: You know, if [Maria]'s smart, she's not gonna have that bible anywhere close to her.
Burke: El, I've never seen this devious side.
Elizabeth: Don't cross me.
Elizabeth winks.

Burke: I've got it. She knew who you were. Neal Caffrey, master forger.
Caffrey: Alleged.
Burke: Alleged, whatever.

Elizabeth: (To Neal) Why don't you just ask her out?
Burke: Good point. (To Neal) Do you think it will work?
Elizabeth: Yes!

Jones: Wow! She's bringing' him back here for dessert.
Cruz: Of course she is.
Jones: Oh, you jealous you ain't getting' any of it?
Cruz: Neal? No! I'm perfectly fine with the stale-ass coffee I have in the van, thank you.

Caffrey is reading Maria's palm
Caffrey: Calluses. Not afraid to get dirty.
Fiametta: Well, that's true. What else?
Caffrey: No ring. Between that and the calluses, I'm guessing work gets in the way?
Fiametta: No ring for you either.
Caffrey: Yeah. Prison got in the way.

Caffrey: I always thought honesty is a more challenging game.
Cut to Jones, Cruz and Burke in the surveillance van.
Jones: Honesty is a more challenging game? Geez, how come my dates don't go like this?
Burke: Because you don't say things like honesty is a more challenging game.
Cruz: It's because nobody actually talks like that.
Burke: They do in Neal Caffrey's world.

Fiametta: You know what? I don't trust you.
Caffrey: Smart. I wouldn't trust me either.

Caffrey: First they're sending me back to prison, tomorrow they're giving me a quarter million tax payer dollars in an off shore account. I guess that shows how much confidence they have in you.
Burke: And how much I have in you.

Elizabeth: You have a lot more faith in a ratty old tie than you do Neal.
Burke: Well, this ratty old tie's never forged a priceless map of Vinland.
Elizabeth: Why is it so hard for you to believe that he'll do the right thing?
Burke: Oh, let's just say that's not his first instinct.
Elizabeth: And trust isn't yours.
Burke: Occupational hazard. I like to know I can count on something.
Elizabeth: I know you do. But sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.

Caffrey: You'd be surprised how often I am in the mood...

Jones: I need a cigarette after that pat down.

Fiametta: With all due respect, Neal, we could make quite a fine pair.
Caffrey: With all due respect, Maria, shut up and drive.

Caffrey: It's a pleasure doing business with you.
Fiametta pulls out a gun.
Fiametta: You'll never know how much pleasure it could have been.
Caffrey: You know, I had a feeling all that lovey-dovey stuff last night was B.S.
Fiametta: Next time you should trust your instincts.
Caffrey: Oh! Oh, I did. (Caffrey pulls out something from his pocket.) Clip. Lifted it when I patted you down.
Fiametta: You forgot about the one in the chamber.
Caffrey: Dammit. I've never been a gun guy.

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